Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
we're so committed to being not committed
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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