Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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