Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
