my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
