Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
