Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
