I'd wear matching sweaters with you
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
