can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
