OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
