if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
