So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
