Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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