Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
