So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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