while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
pray to the hookup gods
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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