It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
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why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
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Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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