i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
