I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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