he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
