It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize