Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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