Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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