I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
