I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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