mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
