help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
