So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
