if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
