Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
