considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
