I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
