Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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