my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
