Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize