Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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