sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
