she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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