She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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