y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
