I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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