I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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