I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
