Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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