i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
