I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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