I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
