you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
