I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
