peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
