I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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