The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
