did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
