if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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