i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
