i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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