she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She's the barista slut.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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