Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
