I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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