if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
