I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
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