Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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