God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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