Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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