somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
