Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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