I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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