Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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