: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Randomize
