i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
