I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
