So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
