So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
