This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
