Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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